starliterose's Blog

 So..... last week I made my coworker cry. I usually call her "cream of b*tch soup" when I'm not at work, so I'll just call her Cobs for short here.

I'd like to begin by saying: Cobs had it coming. However, I didn't mean to make her cry. I certainly didn't yell at her or say anything that didn't pertain to work, I just got fed up with her passive aggressive, backhanded, nasty attitude. I've been taking it gracefully for months now and she had been getting a bit better for a while, but then she started getting worse. 

So f*ck that, I had to say something.

........but I was calm, as usual, and explained to her that she singlehandedly makes the office place a repulsive environment...... and I went into detail about what she does and the effect that has on everyone's morale and how unprofessional it is to turn the office place into her own personal soap opera.

I just expected defensiveness and anger, but Cobs tossed tears in the mix. Now I dunno if it was just a manipulation tactic or if her feelings were hurt, but her face was turning red and her eyeballs were leaking.

Seriously?

The Queen of Mean cried because I told her the truth?

Was I supposed to comfort her now..... and then we become the best of friends? Scr*w her, I'm not that kind of woman. She targeted me more than anyone else with her nasty mojo, and I finally told her how ugly she was acting and how it gets in the way of our d*mned work getting done.

My boss thought it was hilarious, but he's kind of a jerkface so he would.

Like a shadow bathed in light

or the traces of the day

which are enveloped by the night

I fade away 

Like the blazing trumpet tune

of a proud passing parade

or the early morning moon

I fade away 

Tears wash these muted lips

which hesitate to say

that I hope I will be missed

If I fade away.

Your hands on my waist pull me in closer

Eyes closed 

Familiar fingertips meet at the small of my back

Arching me towards you 

Your whisper is a quiet melody 

Our bodies heave and sway as our lips meet 

We exchange breath and give each other life 

Here, in this moment 

The softness of my breast is all that exists between your heartbeat and mine 

Build me up 

Mold me 

Run your hands along the smooth clay of my skin and glide along my every curve 

Knead me and stretch me to your design 

Breathe me in 

Tease me with every stroke across my canvas and drench me in the colors of your palatte 

Create me deep in your dreams and sing me aloud 

Push yourself 

Pour your heart into me and yield to your passions  

...... and when you lay weary,  

with your fingers tracing tender love songs across my lips, 

I'll smile when you call me your Masterpiece. 

 I've always loved this song.... it's one of the only songs that makes me cry every single time I hear it. It was unreleased by the Counting Crows a long-ass time ago--it's one of my favorite songs by them, so it's a shame they never put it on an album. Anyway, it's a song that's dear to my heart, so I wanted to share it:

 A couple of days ago a little elderly lady made me smile. After I finished yelling at a man for being an ass and yelling at the sweet little 91 year old woman who he was supposed to be assisting (long story), she thanked me and then asked, "Aren't you chilly in that skirt?" I told her I was fine and she said, "Well I guess if I had those legs I'd be running around in my panties all day."

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That lady is outta control! Sweet little thing, she then proceeded to call me "Legs" for the rest of the time I was dealing with her. I just remembered that today.... I was so fired up over the yelling and arguing with that guy, that I didn't have a time to fully enjoy her compliment.

Also, by the time I cooled down over the ordeal, I was busy smiling again for a very good reason thanks to somebody very awesome who made me feel like a buttered angel *giggles*

So I forgot about that nice lady, but I had to see her again today and she called me "legs" again, I love her!

 So my party last night was a blast! There was plenty of booze--everyone brought extra, so that was fantastic. Everyone had great costumes--my costume contest was a close call, but the winner (this douchey guy who dates my friend) was very cocky and braggish about winning..... until he found out what the "secret prize" was: Anal beads. He looked so horrified--hahahaha! Of course it would be a gag gift--what did he expect? A starbucks gift card? .......his girlfriend looked kind of excited about the gift though, so it might end up getting use after all......

  So anyway, the party was fabulous......

but one thing happened that really caught me off guard...  

really  

REALLY  

R E A L L Y  

caught me off guard.  

I'm busy bartending, chatting people up, watching the intense game of.... actually I dunno the name of that drinking game.....whatever.... but one of my friends approaches me with this really weird nervous, anxious, hushed tone and asks if she can speak to me on the side for a second. So we sat on the staircase--not really away from everybody, but the music was on so people could see us, but no one could hear us.  

That's when she just blurts out: " Me and (bf) have been wanting to have a threesome, and (bf) and I would like for you to be the other girl."  

Now mind you, I'm half drunk already, so I'm ALREADY confused BEFORE people start asking for threesomes. I didn't know what I was suppossed to say. I tried not to have the 'what-in-the-holy-shitty-fuck-are-you-asking-me' look on my face... I dunno what I said, I think I must have just stammered because I don't remember having a cohesive thought at that point, LOL... but then she continued:  

HER: "Actually, (bf) picked you as his first choice. It would just be the three of us."  

We were silent for a second. Um, hooray your bf wants to bone me--what an honor? I've been propositioned for threesomes before, but never by someone I've known for so long. I was trying to think clearly and think of how not to have things be awkward for the rest of forever. Buuuuut I was drunk, so you get what you get:   

ME: "So.... you mean like... sex?"   

Yeah I know I'm such a wordsmith lmao. I didn't know what to say. I've always known she's wanted a threesome (because she's greedy and she wants it all at once, lmao.) I had no idea she meant with a friend . Well, knowing her personality I guess she wouldn't want a stranger, but why dip into your pool of friends for a one nighter with you and your bf?   

HER: "It would just be us three--just you me and (bf)"  

I'm pretty damned sure I wasn't confused about that.... why did she think that was helping? Saying that was NOT helping damnit!   

HER: "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to spring this on you. We'd really like for you to consider it though. Please?"  

Note how little of this dialouge has been me speaking to her, lol..... and then I opened my big mouth.  

ME: "Oh, um.....well.... um..... I guess just give me some time to process what you just said OK?"  

She looked disappointed. I felt sad because I didn't want her to feel bad. I also felt like I had just done a shot of tequila right before I sat down, which I had.  

HER: "Okay, just think it over. He thinks you're gorgeous by the way--we both do, but you already know I do, duh."  

Yeah so I could tell she was nervous--then I felt like shit. They are actually really nice people, but that's not the kind of relationship I want to have with them. I told her that in a very long winded, rambling, but very delicate way. I also insisted that we not be awkward about it because I value her friendship too much to get weird over it. She said she understood and left the door open for:  

HER: "If you ever change your mind....."    

Thankfully we both went back to the party, drank together, danced together, laughed together and so far things have been back to normal (thank goodness!)  

 So today I’m on my way home from visiting my Mom and I’m trying to relax and enjoy the cool but sunny weather…. Pretending not to notice the guy ogling me on the ride over. I look at an advertisement for a while….. fuck he’s still looking at me isn’t he?

I take a peek… yep he is…. I look away quickly. I don’t want to give him false hope.

I mean, he’s cute and all, but all men seem to have this “If we make eye contact then that means she loves me!” thing, which leads to three possible reactions:

1)      He starts talking to me.

2)      He starts looking nervous and awkward.

3)      He stares harder, and thus becomes creepy.

All reactions are irrelevant since I am still on a dating hiatus. Quit it guy!

So, I do what I do every day and just ignore it and continue to look everywhere but at him….. until we get to his stop. As he is getting off, he comes over to me and says, “I’m sorry I was staring, but you are a Raven-Haired Fox.”

I must admit--That was fucking awesome.

Usually the “I’m sorry I was staring, but….” line is predictable, but that one actually made me smile--genuinely! I like that nickname….

Signed,

Rose the Raven-Haired Fox 

 I'm kind of excited :)

I bought some beautiful new short leather boots with a gorgeous stacked heel today--they were sexy and on sale damnit!

I love knee and thigh high boots, but the wonderful thing about short boots is they allow me to wear garter belts and thigh high stockings.......and that happens to be one of my favorite things to wear.

So in the spirit of sexiness, I bought a few new garter belts and some more thigh high stockings--of course. ;-P

......and as usual, I'm entertaining myself by trying on my new stuff with loud music playing.

......and for some reason I found myself drawn--nay--OBLIGATED to blog about it. So.... bam.

Okay, so I didn’t factor in this putrid weather when I planned to go boot shopping today. So…. now I’m writing.

Sigh…. I was really looking forward to the brand new “Click, click, click!” sound—music to my ears. Ah, what a waste of a weekend day.

At least I’m alone in the house again. I love my friends, but I also cherish my alone time. I used to go out to parties and clubs and group dinners what seemed like four grueling days a week. I got tired. Tired of spending money on not having that much fun. Tired of being exhausted after not having that much fun.

…and there is only SO much time you can spend with certain people, before you just want to kick them out of a moving car.

You know…. In every past relationship I’ve had, I’ve gotten to a point where I would wake up and watch -whichever bf it was- sleep…. And I’d fantasize about putting my back against the wall with my feet against his body, and shoving his ass right out of bed. Let him wake up hitting the floor. Now that should have been a sign, eh?

LOL that being said, I’m still on my dating hiatus—which makes it all the more ridiculous to be dragged out to parties in the middle of the night. I was damn near kidnapped last night! We only stayed an hour, but that was plenty of time for several smarmy, egotistical men to come and explain to me why they are fantastic mates. Yawn.

No hangover though… I just slept until the afternoon, lol.

….I was really looking forward to sexy boot shopping today!

Heh, boots are one of the only things I collect where people don’t react with, “Um, are you going to hit someone with that?”

Pfffft! Come on! …..of course I am. Hell, I’d hit people with my boots too, if I didn’t mind getting them dirty, lmao ;-P

 So… A man tried to bully me the other day. 1) That’s friggin’ sacrilege. 2) Me? bzzzz! wrong choice mister man.

Fine, so he’s like 6’4, solid muscle—definitely more than twice my weight. I dunno, maybe he was on steroids (?)—he looked like he spends more time in the gym than with any book—well congratulations to him for being a moron. *mild applause*

Anyway, I’m on line in a store and this ass-pad decides that he can leave his spot in line, CONTINUE SHOPPING, come back, and stand right in front of me, when I am now next in line. So I—politely—let him know where the end of the line is and he says, “yeah sweetie, I’m sure you’re used to guys doing whatever you want, but I’m not falling for it. I had to get out of line to get a few more things. I’m not going all the way to the back again because princess can’t wait a minute.”

Heh heh heh...

What did he just say to me?

I smiled. You know? I’m a generally even-tempered person. I tend to acknowledge my feelings and choose what the appropriate method of  ‘release’ would be for that. Plus, I mean, I do look pretty girly—can’t deny that. My daytime look doesn’t scream, “threat” lol. Yeah….

…and for those reasons it really freaks people out when I act belligerently—it’s certainly not something you get to see everyday. That just makes it so much better when I do—and let’s face it, there are moments where it’s just the best choice :)

So I smiled.... and chuckled…. and sighed…. and smiled again…. and then began: “Well… I think…. that you should get to the END OF THE F*CKING LINE. Go. GO!”

Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! He went g*ddamnit. Everyone jumped and looked at me all wide eyed. Then a couple of girls whistled. Yay me!

The cashier thought it was awesome—I thought it was fun times.

I rarely get man-bullies. I had some in grade school I guess: I had a boy try to bully me in school once and I kicked him in the chest—and he stopped. My first fight was with a boy and I sent him home crying with a bloody nose—and his mother made him apologize to me. A kid in middle school tried to tease me once, and I dragged him down a flight of stairs… for a tiny little ‘princess’ I’m a LOT stronger than I seem.

BTW, **** that guy for calling me a princess. ‘Goddess’ is more accurate…. or ‘Mistress’ if I have my whip….

For just about the duration of my life, people have generally been consistent in telling me that I’m very “warm” and “easy to be around”. Of course, I won’t deny this—I treat people the way they would like to be treated, so long as they don’t upset me.

However I feel as though somehow most people take that first impression of me and fabricate this idealistic notion that I am some sort of ultra-bubbly, fairy princess… and that is so far from true it’s actually kind of disgusting. A few close friends have a better idea of my temperament, and I even manage to surprise them on occasion, lol.

First of all, yes I am very pleasant and polite to people and no it is not phony. However, there are two very important criteria that determine whether or not I will treat someone kindly and delicately—and only one of the two criteria need ever be met:

1)      I feel they deserve it.

2)      I am being paid to be nice (i.e. I’m at work so I don’t take things personally).

I usually will assume, until it is proven to the contrary, that a person that I have just met ‘deserves’ to be treated nicely.

Secondly, I can have a terribly dark sense of humor—but I know when it is better to leave my comments in my head, and I know when it is okay to just have fun. Although, admittedly, I have been known to say things just to piss people off. So what? If someone takes some of the things I say seriously, they deserve to be upset.

Next, I am in no way a pushover. I pick my battles, and I win them. I will often let things slide, and of course people tend to think that is a sign of fear. On the contrary, for me it’s usually because I just feel it’s not worth the effort. When I do decide enough is enough, however… I’ve never been the fussy, loud type—when provoked, I’m normally cold and focused. Ugh… and then people are always ‘surprised’ and ‘hurt’—wah, wah. What I think a lot of people don’t understand is that being kind and empathetic doesn’t mean that I am emotional—I’m not. I’m just not a very emotional person. That doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions, it just means I tend not to take too many things to heart and I usually have decent control over how I express my feelings.

Finally, I’m a girl-perv and a bit of a reverse chauvinist. I’ve spent most of my life with a majority of male friends—that’s what happens, you get a dirty sense of humor and learn to treat guys kind of how guys treat women, and then laugh evilly—heh heh heh! (oh come on, men love that, lol.) ;-P

So, in closing (lmao), yes I am fun and upbeat—but I’m not one-dimensional. Being feminine doesn’t mean you have to be predictable… and a little dark humor never hurt anyone—hmm, actually I should probably double-check that last statement… 

I really like the people in my circle. I was shocked to see how many funny, interesting, sweet people I have met on EP. I thoroughly enjoy reading their stories, blogs, questions, and answers. I love getting messages and whiteboard comments from them. The gestures and gifts always make me feel special.....

I guess I just wanted to take a minute to express my appreciation for my circle. You guys help the day pass by much faster--and you make lovely company for this little insomniac.....

{{BIG HUGS}}